We all know what habits are, patterns that we get into as to how we do things. They become routine, second nature, things that we can just “do” without giving them much thought. Some habits are beneficial while others can be annoying, sometimes even destructive. For example, if you are in the habit of leaving…
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I just finished a session with a client who is very much walking on eggshells. He is anxious, his stomach is in knots, his blood pressure is up, and he has been on the verge of a panic attack. Why? Because there are some issues he knows that he needs to discuss with his mate,…
DetailsChicago psychologist, Nicole Martinez reported that in a study of young married women, “70 percent reported that face-to-face conversations were stopped in their tracks by a partner’s phone use or even active texting.” These intrusions have been referred to by some as “technoference.” We began last week to take a look at some of the…
DetailsIn part 1 of this discussion last week I talked about the difficulties we face if we allow our lives to become stuck with old wounds and offenses. We may have encountered harsh jealousy and selfish behavior from a sibling, feelings of betrayal that we felt over a cheating spouse, or the loss of a…
DetailsI sat with a single mother the other day as she expressed her anger and frustration regarding her ex-husband and a looming custody fight. As she recounted various woundings, I listened with understanding and empathy. I was about to ask how many months they had been apart when she gave an indication that they had…
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I just finished a session with a couple today where this question loomed large. This husband and wife have been married for 15 years and have a couple of kids. While they both have talked about reconciliation, the reality is that he wants to save the marriage and she just wants to escape. Why? Because…
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I don’t think that any of us begin a marriage, planning to become just roommates. I mean, we may have had roommates in college or when we first moved out on our own. But I have never met anyone who said, “I think I want to get married so I can have a roommate.” When…
DetailsI recently came across the following quote, “Marriage is your last best chance to grow up.” Now, before I go any further, I really want you to let that sink in. So (with Jeopardy music playing in the background), ponder for a moment those words. Ok – “I’ll take growing up for $400.” Many of…
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“Well, that depends – what’s the challenge?” Oh, no need to worry. It’s not eating something disgusting like eating a dish of bugs or scaling the face of Half-Dome in Yosemite. This should actually be pretty doable. “Ok. Well what is it?” you may ask. It is being kind to your spouse. While some may…
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If you have been married for any length of time (probably anything longer than two weeks), you know how easy it is to get out of sync. Oftentimes, we know what it feels like, even if we can’t quite put our finger on what the problem might be. This can be very frustrating and we…
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