If you have been married for any length of time (probably anything longer than two weeks), you know how easy it is to get out of sync. Oftentimes, we know what it feels like, even if we can’t quite put our finger on what the problem might be. This can be very frustrating and we are frequently left, puzzled and uncertain how to proceed. So, I want to suggest a couple of questions you might ask yourself that may give you some insight and help you get back in sync with your mate.
- Is there a topic you need to discuss with your spouse?
Perhaps there is some lingering issue that you keep sweeping under the carpet because you don’t want to open a can of worms. The issue continues to eat away at you, but you are doing all that is within your power to avoid talking about it because you don’t want a big fight. You just keep thinking maybe if you wait long enough the issue will go away. But it won’t. As a matter of fact, if it is left unaddressed, it is likely to happen again.
Perhaps your spouse is feeling the same tension that is keeping you out of sync. Without blaming, why not try and raise the issue as a concern that you feel is keeping you both distant and see what might result.
- Are you consciously holding on to something that needs to be addressed?
While this may sound similar, the difference is when you are very aware of what grudge or resentment you are nursing and it bleeds into every interaction showing up in ways like: getting in little barbs, withholding information, and so on.
It’s time to have those needed discussions, so that you can get back in sync. While I’m not trying to over-simplify the problem, I am hoping to amplify the benefits of the air being cleared of stuff that just weighs down the relationship.