I recently sat with a couple who was struggling to find anything in common. They have been married for a number of years, have a couple of children, but see each other as complete strangers. When I inquired as to what they had in common when they were dating, the responded with, “Our dating was one big party – sex, drugs, and rock and roll.” They got married and had a couple of kids because it seemed like the next logical steps. But now they are trying to find some common priorities that they can pursue together.
Many married couples find it challenging to adopt healthy priorities. So, with that in mind, while there are many that could be pursued, but I want to recommend a couple today.
- Get aligned on financial priorities. One woman sat in my office this week in tears because she and her husband own a house worth over 1.5 million dollars, and yet there doesn’t seem to be enough money for her to buy a Starbucks. Couples who work on financial goals as well as a budget that will help them meet those goals, together, have greater buy in and often remove a common conflict from their relationship.
- Make finding some hobbies in common a priority. These can range from hiking and biking, to taking an art class or ballroom dance lessons, to something as simple as playing a card game or finding movies that you can both enjoy.
I see too many couples who have become strangers once the kids leave home and can benefit from beginning to reconnect with some joint priorities. Regardless of how long you may have been married, developing common priorities is healthy for any marital relationship.