I love watching reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond” in part because many of Ray and Debra’s interactions are so common to many marriages. Ray has the propensity (as do many of us) to say and do ridiculous things, resulting in Debra often calling him an idiot. Now while I don’t recommend calling your spouse an…
DetailsMost of us have heard the term “alpha” used in reference to male wolves. It conjures up the image of one who is firmly in charge, running the show, dictating what everyone should be doing. It is a picture of power and control. However, I would contend is an inaccurate characterization of wolves and the…
DetailsKevin, a web developer, realized his level of addiction one evening. He found that he and his wife would come home from work each day, eat dinner half talking, half catching up on things on their cell phones, and then turn on the TV and each zone out in their separate phone worlds the rest…
Details“You’re with your other husband again,’ Marilyn’s only husband would say every time she turned to her cellphone while the two were driving to dinner. She thought he was just being his witty-self.” But then his words began to get to her. In the last couple of years, I have written increasingly about our preoccupation…
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I just finished a session with a couple today that was frustrating for them and frustrating for me as well. Why? Because they are not all in. It won’t surprise you to know that I see couples who are having “issues.” All of them. This couple today was no exception. They have been separated for…
DetailsNow at first glance, that question may be confusing. Someone once described addiction as “any coping mechanism or substance used to escape feelings.” This can refer to a variety of issues: alcohol, drugs, gambling, and sex, just to name a few. And one of the ways that a sexual addiction can show up is in…
DetailsIn 2016 Psychology Today called attention to the fact that smartphones fragment human consciousness. They contend that the habitual use of smartphones lowers our ability to be empathetic as well as diminishes the “quality of conversation.” This is our third in a series addressing technology and our relationships. In the first post we looked at…
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It’s been a long week and you are looking forward to going out to dinner with your spouse. For some reason you have been thinking all day about Mexican food. Your mouth is watering for some chips and salsa. Your mate comes through the door and says, “I’m hungry. I thought maybe we could try…
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Ok, now that I have your attention – this is not really about voting . . . but it is about single issues. I am reminded by a couple that was in my office yesterday. They are stuck on a single issue. It doesn’t really matter what the issue is – it is the fact…
DetailsNow as you read that title, you may think, “Well I guess family would be closer and more valued than just a friend, so I would want to be family.” But are you sure? A past senator from Oregon, who was the father of four children, once said that his wife stunned him by the…
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