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How Do You Stop the FIght?

I sit with couples on a regular basis who argue and fight. They tell about their conflicts at home and they frequently live those conflicts out in my office. Fortunately, when they are sitting with me, I am often able to redirect them or get them to pause their thinking and consider other possibilities. When…

How Are You Outside of Your Comfort Zone?

The answer for a lot of people is probably, “I don’t know. I try not to get outside of my comfort zone.” If that is really true, then we are probably not doing much growing. But think for a minute – “What is outside of your safe space?” A common one for people is public…

Enquiring Minds Want to Know

I remember when this phrase was all the rage as part of an advertising campaign for “The National Enquirer Magazine.” And I can’t help but remember that phrase when I think about healthy relationships. You see, one of the hallmarks of healthy marriages is having an inquisitive mind when it comes to your mate. Whether…

Is Communication an Illusion?

In a quote from a Fortune Magazine article, William H. Whyte said, “The great enemy of communication is the illusion of it.” That is an excellent picture of what so many individuals fall prey to. Your spouse wants you to communicate, so you make every effort to talk more with them. However, even though you…

When Disagreements are Hard

Remember when you were dating your future spouse and you seemed to agree on everything? You wanted two children and so did he. You both liked Italian food, wanted to travel, enjoyed hiking, and had the same spiritual goals. Nothing could be better. However, once you got married, you discovered that you weren’t quite as…

Do You Have Connecting Practices?

“Connecting practices? You mean like playing with the toys?” No, that would be K’nex (Don’t worry – I didn’t know it was spelled that way either). I am talking about normal practices that you have with your spouse, your kids, or even your grandkids. For example – do you and your spouse kiss each other…

Do You Have Their Back?

Most of us, at one time or another, have been in situations when we were angry, frustrated, or perhaps disappointed in our mate. This is normal. But the question then is, what do you do with those emotions? Some might answer, “Well, I go somewhere quiet and decompress.” “I reflect on what happened to see…

Most of us, at one time or another, have been in situations when we were angry, frustrated, or perhaps disappointed in our mate. This is normal. But the question then is, what do you do with those emotions? Some might answer, “Well, I go somewhere quiet and decompress.” “I reflect on what happened to see…

Do You Have Relationship Priorities?

I recently sat with a couple who was struggling to find anything in common. They have been married for a number of years, have a couple of children, but see each other as complete strangers. When I inquired as to what they had in common when they were dating, the responded with, “Our dating was…

Does Your Spouse Disappoint You?

That’s not a difficult question to answer. Of course they do – many times the same way that we disappoint them. So, maybe a better question to ask would be – what are some good ways to handle disappointment, because it will happen? I want to share a few productive steps that we can take…